Posted in Mildly Interesting, This explains everything

I want FASTER Monopoly, not this monstrosity

I previously posted here about our experience with the https://www.neverjethot.com/posts/speed-die-monopoly-faster-but-more-evil/ – We like to move things along, because of short attention spans I guess.

So imagine my dismay/morbid curiosity when I saw this sadistic Monopoly game on DeviantArt;

This is just one corner of it.

If this becomes a real game, buy stock in Kimberly-Clark, because there will be tears.

Posted in This explains everything

Midol for Men

I used to work with a guy who always seemed to be “MANstruating” – He didn’t limit himself to just a few days a month.

It’s too bad the Period Powerhouses Midol and Pamprin have thus far been unable to come up with a formula that relieves these symptoms.

I know Anheuser-Busch* makes a few products that seem to help, but you can’t have it at work.

  • Anheuser Busch! There’s a joke in here somewhere!
Posted in Back in My Day, This explains everything

How did this get in my pocket?

I was fixing to throw these jeans in the laundry, and found this old tally sheet from 2017. I haven’t worked there for many months. It begs the question, how long have I been wearing these pants?

It was a graveyard shift job driving an order picker forklift. Some nights I miss it, but not much. Doesn’t look like I spent much time on the machine that night!

I recently had a dream that I was working there again, hadn’t been there 15 minutes before the second shift lead ambled over and said that day shift was saying that I was “doing it wrong”! This made me so mad that I woke up, and I was fuming about it for several days.



Posted in This explains everything

Buggles at dawn

Teresa gets up way, way too early. Like, 10 minutes to 6 early. WHY? She doesn’t have some nine-to-five downtown, or a paper route. No, she does it so she can get all crafty without enduring my helpful commentary. One time I got a cheese stick out of the fridge, unwrapped it, and was over by her glue gun saying, “These are DELICIOUS!”. I wasn’t lying.

Today she made some of these little rock-people she calls “Buggles” and a little Altoids-tin home for them. I guess it beats going to the casino.

Posted in This explains everything

Speed-die Monopoly; faster but more evil

I got a tournament-approved Monopoly “Speed Die” from a guy on ebay, we started a game using this third die today. Not sure if we will vote to use it in the future.
The speed die does one of four things, three of them good but the last one very bad!

If the SD shows a one, two or three, you just add that to the other dice and move that much further. Good for getting back around to GO a little faster, I guess.
If the SD shows a bus, you have more options where to stop; For example, if the regular dice show a one and a six, you can move one space, or six, or all seven. Unfortunately, this slows the game a bit as players evaluate their movement options.

If the SD rolls a “Monopoly Man” aka Mr. Moneybags, and if there are unsold properties, after you take your regular move, you advance to the next unowned property. This would seem to speed up the game, but actually we have to go through a roll call every time; “Connecticut! Who owns it? Saint Charles- Does anybody own it?”

If the SD rolls a “Monopoly Man” and all 28 properties are owned, then after you take your regular move, you advance to the next opponent’s property and pay rent; This could mean paying rent two, or even three times in one turn, if you rolled doubles twice and were especially unlucky. It speeds the process of eliminating players, but I don’t like the “piling on” aspect of it. Am I just not ruthless enough?

Posted in Friends and Kin, This explains everything

That whistling sound…

I had a bit of a hard time sleeping last night… Had the radio on classical music to try to soothe the mental torment, but something about that violin concerto wasn’t quite right. It took probably 20 minutes of careful listening, occasionally holding my breath, being very still, to determine that the discordant note was caused by the wife, she had one of those “nose whistle” things going on. I think I was chiming in with a wheezing in C flat.

Posted in Mildly Interesting, This explains everything

Superheroes doing the best they can

Crunchy Nut Man– Kellogg’s has just created a new purported superhero. I’m a little skeptical. What exactly are his superpowers? Does it have something to do with that spoon on his forehead? What is his kryptonite? Who is his nemesis, maybe Ham and Eggs Man? Toast Girl?

I could scan it with my cellphone, but I suspect that I will be as disappointed as Ralphie with his secret decoder ring.

The cereal is delicious, and doesn’t hurt the roof of my mouth like the product endorsed by the other crunch-based cereal mascot, who shall remain nameless… because he does not exist in the Kellogg’s superhero universe.