Posted in This explains everything

Buggles at dawn

Teresa gets up way, way too early. Like, 10 minutes to 6 early. WHY? She doesn’t have some nine-to-five downtown, or a paper route. No, she does it so she can get all crafty without enduring my helpful commentary. One time I got a cheese stick out of the fridge, unwrapped it, and was over by her glue gun saying, “These are DELICIOUS!”. I wasn’t lying.

Today she made some of these little rock-people she calls “Buggles” and a little Altoids-tin home for them. I guess it beats going to the casino.

Posted in This explains everything

Speed-die Monopoly; faster but more evil

I got a tournament-approved Monopoly “Speed Die” from a guy on ebay, we started a game using this third die today. Not sure if we will vote to use it in the future.
The speed die does one of four things, three of them good but the last one very bad!

If the SD shows a one, two or three, you just add that to the other dice and move that much further. Good for getting back around to GO a little faster, I guess.
If the SD shows a bus, you have more options where to stop; For example, if the regular dice show a one and a six, you can move one space, or six, or all seven. Unfortunately, this slows the game a bit as players evaluate their movement options.

If the SD rolls a “Monopoly Man” aka Mr. Moneybags, and if there are unsold properties, after you take your regular move, you advance to the next unowned property. This would seem to speed up the game, but actually we have to go through a roll call every time; “Connecticut! Who owns it? Saint Charles- Does anybody own it?”

If the SD rolls a “Monopoly Man” and all 28 properties are owned, then after you take your regular move, you advance to the next opponent’s property and pay rent; This could mean paying rent two, or even three times in one turn, if you rolled doubles twice and were especially unlucky. It speeds the process of eliminating players, but I don’t like the “piling on” aspect of it. Am I just not ruthless enough?

Posted in Friends and Kin, This explains everything

That whistling sound…

I had a bit of a hard time sleeping last night… Had the radio on classical music to try to soothe the mental torment, but something about that violin concerto wasn’t quite right. It took probably 20 minutes of careful listening, occasionally holding my breath, being very still, to determine that the discordant note was caused by the wife, she had one of those “nose whistle” things going on. I think I was chiming in with a wheezing in C flat.

Posted in Mildly Interesting, This explains everything

Superheroes doing the best they can

Crunchy Nut Man– Kellogg’s has just created a new purported superhero. I’m a little skeptical. What exactly are his superpowers? Does it have something to do with that spoon on his forehead? What is his kryptonite? Who is his nemesis, maybe Ham and Eggs Man? Toast Girl?

I could scan it with my cellphone, but I suspect that I will be as disappointed as Ralphie with his secret decoder ring.

The cereal is delicious, and doesn’t hurt the roof of my mouth like the product endorsed by the other crunch-based cereal mascot, who shall remain nameless… because he does not exist in the Kellogg’s superhero universe.

Posted in This explains everything

A big bag of shhhh

Having two people with insomnia* makes it worse. Last night, about 2:30, my wife pulls out her favorite Austin Powers quote, saying, “I’ve got a whole bag of “Shhh” with your name on it!”
I can’t leave it alone; “Well, I have the carton from the “Shhh” company, with one bag missing.”
So she goes the easy route; “I have the truckload of “Shhh” with one carton missing.”
“Well, I run** the factory that makes “Shhh” and we are going to file a police report on the truck.”
“I own the company that owns the factory, and you’re fired.”
I am getting sort of ticked off now. “Yeah, well your “Shhh” must not be any good, because I’m still talking!”…. …. “And some of the workers are going to sue for reverse hearing damage!”
But she was already asleep.

*Gilligan; “… And not only that; I can’t sleep!”
** I made a fatal error here.

Posted in Flotsam, This explains everything

EEEEEE!!

Playing Wordfeud with my sister. I have a really lousy hand here, there are five E tiles! I’ve almost cornered the market on the letter E for this game, the whole set only has 12. Should I hoard them to deny her access? Hate to swap tiles, but there is not much to work with here. I should go play Scrabble in the bathroom, because I’m about to have a vowel movement.

BY THE WAY… How is it that (Parker Brothers? Hasbro?) hasn’t sued them? Is it because of the minor differences, such as the ability to put nonsense words up repeatedly until something sticks, or the crazy “random” board my sister Evelyn likes to play, where a person can get a seemingly insurmountable lead on the first turn? Or the frustrating inability to flip the board over and run out of the room crying?

Maybe they worked out some kind of deal. Anyway, I’m really glad it’s there, I really appreciate the chance to prove that at least two of my siblings, and now my nephew, they are all much smarter than me. It really brightens my day. Sometimes I manage to win against a guy from work, but he is 22 and his girlfriend recently moved in with him, so his mind isn’t really in the game.