Posted in The postcards

The Alarming Birthday Toast

Sometimes the postcards I collect interest me more from the message written on them than the postcard image. For example, this young lady writes to her friend;

Just a quick note,
early or late, to say
happy birthday. I
hope the sky finds
you well, the train
sings you to sleep,
the whiskey tickles
your throat, & a firm
hand slaps your ass 26
times over.
Lots of love, D

Now look, I know this is a tradition in some parts, but isn’t 26 a little old for the “birthday spankings” thing? She’s nobody’s poet.

Posted in This explains everything

A big bag of shhhh

Having two people with insomnia* makes it worse. Last night, about 2:30, my wife pulls out her favorite Austin Powers quote, saying, “I’ve got a whole bag of “Shhh” with your name on it!”
I can’t leave it alone; “Well, I have the carton from the “Shhh” company, with one bag missing.”
So she goes the easy route; “I have the truckload of “Shhh” with one carton missing.”
“Well, I run** the factory that makes “Shhh” and we are going to file a police report on the truck.”
“I own the company that owns the factory, and you’re fired.”
I am getting sort of ticked off now. “Yeah, well your “Shhh” must not be any good, because I’m still talking!”…. …. “And some of the workers are going to sue for reverse hearing damage!”
But she was already asleep.

*Gilligan; “… And not only that; I can’t sleep!”
** I made a fatal error here.